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My Hate Will Die With You
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in xAUSTIN RAMBONEx's LiveJournal:

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    Sunday, February 22nd, 2009
    6:45 am
    as we lay there naked and gazing, I didn't have the heart to tell her that, while I got lost in the darkness of those orbs, it was you I was looking at all along. part of me was angry at them for attempting to surprise me with their similarity to yours. part of me was sad to think of the reality of the situation. but mostly... I was perfectly content with laying there and pretending to look into your eyes one more time.

    Current Mood: tired
    Friday, November 21st, 2008
    12:09 am
    been awhile...
    ...but I think it's for the best.
    things are ok. working a lot. trying to get my head back above the water so I can head in some sort of direction with my life. tonight(and the continuing week) will be a significant turning point hopefully.

    Current Mood: optimistic
    Wednesday, August 20th, 2008
    2:44 am
    san francisco, I want to be inside you.
    by january 1st at the latest.
    holla if you know of any decent paying jobs i.e.: 11/hr+
    it could expedite the process.
    Thursday, January 24th, 2008
    12:43 pm
    that was some of the worst 10 hrs of my recent life.
    Monday, January 7th, 2008
    9:16 am
    fuck you 2008. I already hate you with a passion. you bring nothing but blackened horizons for me, and you can quote me on that.

    Current Mood: hanging by a thread
    Monday, December 31st, 2007
    11:09 pm
    47 minutes until 2008 and i may just say fuck it, fall asleep and start the new year how i'm sure the rest of it will end up being.

    Current Mood: alone
    Wednesday, November 21st, 2007
    2:44 am
    been awhile huh?
    can't sleep. one of my relatives is laying in a hospital bed with cancer and probably won't make it through the week. life is a bummer sometimes. if anything he is always upbeat and joking, even at his sister's funeral a few months ago. he asked this old guy sitting next to him, 20 ft from the open casket, "so you knew my sister huh? did you ever try to honk her horns? jacob, come meet my sidekick. he doesn't say much, but he's ok i guess." the dude was horrified. another zinger from this 70 somethin year old: "so i met this broad at the bar, she says to me, 'i want you to take me home, give me 8 inches and make me bleed.' so i brought her back to my place, fucked her twice and then punched her in the face." !!!!!!! i feel bad for his son, maybe a few years younger than me. his mother had 2 brain surgeries at the same time his father's cancer came out of remission. so when you think you have it bad....remember that there are people out there with worse shit going down. always.
    not much has been happening with me. touring a lot( i actually just realized that i've been on tour non-stop since my last entry. that's 4 months of solid tour. fuck.) going to europe in mid-january until mid-february. should be fun i hope. afterwards i still plan on going to thailand to train for a bit. i originally planned on going for 2 months but we'll see how much i have saved by then. flight prices have gone up drastically due to this gas hike crap. i think i may be over touring. not enough time to train. not enough time with family. not enough time for me. maybe it's time to get back on the grid, find an apartment, find a decent girl, finish school. i'm going to be 30 in about 6 months and it frightens me.
    oh. and i love my best friend. <3 i wish i lived closer to some people. i think my place is here near my family though. even my dreams of finding a job and staying in asia when i go over seem a bit selfish when i think about it. hmmm.
    i liked it better when my hardest decisions were about which candy to buy with my chore money.

    Current Mood: awake
    Thursday, July 19th, 2007
    7:44 pm
    a few things...
    jeff buckley- grace
    smashing pumpkins- siamese dream
    are flawless albums.
    leave for tour in a week.
    I don't even know anymore.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Wednesday, July 4th, 2007
    2:34 am
    only highlight so far of being back home...
    kwik e mart in times square.
    bought myself a box of krusty-o's.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Saturday, May 19th, 2007
    12:09 am
    all I need is a bitter song...
    things are good on the surface. making money, working hard, working out when I can, muay thai 2 hrs a day 3 times a week, helping family out with stuff that needs to get done and $ when I can, preparing/saving for a month in thailand at the end of the winter, getting tattooed in 10 minutes by henry bc he's in town for a week.
    things are bad inside. something is missing, and it sucks.
    Monday, April 30th, 2007
    9:51 pm
    i work...
    a lot.
    (sorry for the lack of entries)

    Current Mood: lonely
    Monday, April 16th, 2007
    8:41 pm
    my day in a hyperbaric chamber as told by google images


    w/ fire dept readings at 600+(meter stops at 600) @ 40+ minutes.
    my blood level was 23%, one guy at 26%, one at 28% and one at 32%.
    =ambulance ride, 3 hr stopover in ER and then 2 hours in this:

    so basically...thank god we were working in a 4 million dollar home that had this:

    that was linked to this:

    or we very well might have been:

    Current Mood: oxygenated
    Tuesday, March 27th, 2007
    3:50 am
    bummerfest 2k7
    2 weeks ago= pain from hell due to infected tooth, cause unknown.

    uninsured appt+antibiotic= 100

    uninsured root canal= 775

    uninsured post filling= 297

    uninsured crown in 2 weeks= ?500-600?
    ipod frozen for a week= restore software, re-add all songs (and yet again today it froze for 5 minutes, killer)

    today my laptop froze suddenly and wouldn't even boot completely for about an hour, then it worked for 5 minutes before freezing again. I have spent all day troubleshooting, and trying different ways to reset possible hardware and software issues to no avail. tomorrow I bring it to the apple store to find out I'm sure I have to spend more money that I don't have.

    just when you think you're getting bills paid off....shit like this always happens. fuck.

    Current Mood: drained
    Thursday, March 15th, 2007
    5:37 pm
    so many shows, so little time and $
    this week consisted of:
    -seeing the fools in Set Your Goals while Anti-Flag played @ irving plaza. good to see matty, dave and selfishbrose. wish acap woulda been with em.
    -All Else Failed @ abc no rio. amazing hour and a half set. covered vision of disorder - d.t.o. wish i would ataken pics or video footage. i was too busy losing my mind. such a great, underrated band.
    -Public Enemy/X-clan @ bb kings. i've been waiting 17 years to see them live. one of my childhood dreams was realized and i couldn't have picked a better time. small venue, small stage, up close and personal. DJ Lord > Terminator X
    -Isis, Jesu, Torche @ irving plaza. other than the contingent of complete fools that isis has amassed as fans, this was a great show. Torche easily made the show for me. Jesu was great, but a little too boring for me. Isis was Isis(good). last time i saw them was in 1999 or 2000 with CaveIn in san diego. i'm almost positive they had 3 members back then, as opposed to the 5 they have now.

    tuesday is Comeback Kid and This Is Hell in farmingdale, and friday is Planes Mistaken For Stars @ the knitting factory. i need to start setting money aside just for shows from now on.
    here are some pics from the public enemy/xclan show and then some from torche.

    Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

    yeahhh boyeeeeCollapse )

    Current Mood: tired
    Saturday, February 10th, 2007
    2:12 am
    things are looking up. all of a sudden i'm hit with more options than i know what to do with.

    Current Mood: predatory
    Wednesday, January 31st, 2007
    2:01 am
    really though, is this supposed to be funny?
    maybe it's lack of stuff to do, and too much time to think, but these last few weeks have sucked.
    3 weeks ago my stepmom decided to bring me some pics that i hadn't seen from the summer me and ann came to visit. not exactly something i was in the mood for. i still haven't looked at them.
    then this past week i ended up having 3 dreams, within 3 nights. all along the same lines. major bumout. it's like all i want to do is sleep so i can continue to be as happy as i am in the dreams. when i wake i realize it's not even what i want or feasible, but it still depresses me because of the contrast in emotions.
    let's top it off with the cherry i got tonight from paramount's great adventure. it's almost comedic, except it makes me feel like shit. a nice email containing a pic they took of us when we visited one day all bordered with hearts and "happy valentine's day 2007". do i want to buy a 4x6? oh hell yes! please? i don't think anyone could write better shit than this. am i living in a modern day version of 'better off dead'? if so, at least there's a happy ending and i get to ski the k-12 on one ski. radical!!!!!

    Current Mood: hungry
    Wednesday, January 24th, 2007
    12:09 pm
    eternal sunshine of jacob's mind
    sadly, sometimes all it takes is a dream to ruin the rest of my week.

    dad's in the hospital for a few days as of yesterday. heart problems again. he needs to lay off the anger/stress and bad food. probably needs blood pressure meds too. this is just dr. jacob speaking, we'll know the real deal after they do their tests.

    still not working. broke. stuff doesn't seem to be panning out here. give it some time they say. bored. nothing to do but play the last 5 days of my free trial with world of warcraft. i'm addicted.

    becoming increasingly disillusioned with everyone and everything around me. not location specific. just the world in general. sometimes i get caught up in it. but when i stop and really think about it. we are so far along the road of being 'fucked', as a society, that there is nothing short of an atomic war that could set us back into place. possibly better to not exist at all?

    "come heavy sleepe"- john dowland(1563-1626)
    Come heavy sleepe the image of true death;
    And close up these my weary weeping eyes:
    Whose spring of tears doth stop my vitall breath,
    And tears my hart with sorrows sigh swoln cries:
    Come and posses my tired thoughts worn soul,
    That living dies, till thou on me be stoule.

    Come shadow of my end, and shape of rest,
    Allied to death, child to his blackfac'd night:
    Come thou and charme these rebels in my breast,
    Whose waking fancies doe my mind affright.
    O come sweet sleepe; come, or I die for ever:
    Come ere my last sleepe comes, or come never.

    Current Mood: melancholy
    Wednesday, January 10th, 2007
    11:50 am
    "...I sympathize with the sorrow by stroking the scar of my own traumatic experience
    with my excommunicated tongue.
    see, I know exactly what you mean
    when you say it hurts too much to talk.
    I've been there;
    and I don't plan on returning
    because no matter how much distance I kept
    or how long I waited for my wounds to heal,
    they'd reopen with the slightest flashback.
    so I sued time for malpractice,
    that bastard's a hack
    with a rusty scalpel and barbed wire stitch thread..."

    Current Mood: gloomy
    Sunday, December 31st, 2006
    5:46 am
    word bond son
    so yeah. like I said, "internet access will be at an alltime low". I have my sidekick, but I'm really too lazy to type anything meaningful out with it until now.
    long island and new york city has been treating me well. I start a construction job doing demolition on 5 buildings in manhattan next week. it's just a temporary gig until the real job comes through. I applied at the jacob j. javit's convention center in manhattan for a carpenter's apprenticeship with the union. apparently, I have family high up in the ladder of that union who might be able to help me with an in. I wouldn't call it my first choice for a career, but it starts me out at 15/hr while I go to school and finish the apprenticeship. 4 yrs later I'm lookin at 72k a year not including overtime. benefits that can't be beat, I really can't complain. keepin my fingers crossed that it comes through.
    it's good being around my family here. me and my dad get along great when he's not threatening ms-13 members at the bar. that's the last thing I need to deal with having just moved here. I've been bouncing back and forth between my dad's house where I live in the inlaw apt downstairs, and my grandmother's place where I get to spend time with her(which is amazing, she's a lot of fun to shoot the shit with).
    I go into manhattan once or twice a week to explore a bit. I'm trying to get as much done on foot as possible before it snows. thankfully we are longggg overdue for snow. it's one of the things I dread about the east coast.
    super pissed I missed ufc 66 tonight. a lot of good fights on the card. fuck paying 40 dollars for it. I'll dl it tomorrow somehow if I can get a signal. maybe spend a few hours in a starbucks?
    2006, peace out.
    2007, what's up lil homey?
    good things to come I hope....for me and all of my TRUE friends and family. I can't be bothered with halfsteppers, it's time to rage with every step bitches.

    Current Mood: awake
    Saturday, November 25th, 2006
    5:33 pm
    a new start?
    tomorrow i am relocating to long island until i get some work and can afford my own place. unfortunately internet access at the place i will be staying is non-existent, and catching a wireless network was a losing battle last time i was there.
    so until i figure all of that out, i won't be online much. hope you all have a good holiday season and hit me up on my cell bc it will work again down there.
    take care.

    the sunset on thanksgiving night was insane. everything was almost neon colored in the sky. my camera didn't even come close to showing how electric the blues were. it was awe inspiring. i'm glad i had to journey out for my frozen pizza dinner.
    Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
    and more...Collapse )

    Current Mood: tired
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